Talaash

होने को थे तारे बहुत अँधेरे में भी
बस आसमान नहीं दिखा उस रात को ही।
कहते थे जिन्हें अपना वो हर पल
आज उनसे मिलने पर भी डरते हैं ।

खो दिए उन यारों को अपने हमने भी
बेगानो की महफ़िल में खुश रहते हैं आज यूँ ही ।
उस वक़्त को याद करते है खूब पर रोज़ अब
कल के भूले आते नहीं है घर कभी ।

Sleepless.

Lying on my bed at 20 minutes past midnight I finally feel to come out of the closet and face the reality. The truth that we all run away from, every single time. But this time I'm going to put it all down once and for all. Yes, no job, no love and to top it all, no friends to bitch about. This is a perfect description of a person who might feel depressed, low, shallow and possibly seem to portray her lonely life crisis but not this time. I would rather dust off the idea within the same breath. The whole situation today is a consequence of my own conscious efforts over the course of time. So who and why should I be running away from the truth and cursing the world, the para terrestrial powers (Science grads can go crazy too, they ought to not be logical always - Monotony is definitely not enticing). I start believing in myself again and the positive realisation that there is something good in store for me, something better than the situation I'm in today. I motivate myself by completely giving in to the notion that nothing can go worse than the pool of shit around me. Sometimes such a kind of feeling can actually make things better, at least in your head. And this feeling often elevates you from the under-confident thoughts. Often believed to be true that humans often need a shoulder to cry on and when the shoulder goes missing for sometime, we try to find the same within ourselves or better just learn to hold back the tears. Even this time, so be it. 

Endless chase of a fear

I finally decided to take a leap from the evergreen poetic form of expression to plain and simple illustration and this shall be my first piece of the kind. As the piece of work shall help overcome my fear of expression in merely one form, I shall dedicate this to fear. 

Over the past one week, a lot of my friends and acquaintances have brought out the age factor that we all are facing around. Mid 20's crisis, Nearing 30's fear, you name it in whichever way and the thought is sprawling within. So what is it that changing the mind and body so fast? Is it hormones (I doubt, that generally occurs in the teens), is it marriage (you marry whenever you are ready so no age bracket these days except the occasional family pressure), or is it the instability that's building up because you feel others are settled? All these are nothing but a pool of fears that keep increasing every day. Fear of commitment, fear of failure in love and career, fear of loneliness, the list never sees an end. Some fears build by experiences, others just don't have a base. How do we know which ones are real and which ones are fictional? We don't and we need not too. After all, all fears aren't harmful. Fears let the inner self not be exposed to strangers. They help you contain yourself within. This is the fear of not trusting someone so easily which in turn often helps in self-growth, self-realisation or introspection, as concisely put. 
In addition, there seems to be a new fear developing in the Gen D (Gen D refers to the Digital Generation, brought up in the digital world of internet and gadgets). This fear is called the fear of society. The fear that your peer or someone you often look up to on that social networking websites is often outperforming you and leading a more successful life, or at least as virtually put. In other words, in search of doing something different and worthy of applause by the larger society, we fear that what we are doing at present falls short of any concrete appreciation at all, even from self. Such fears are disastrous not only from a self-growth point of view, even from the mere survival and sustenance angle. We tend to undermine our present work-life and the relationships we have thrived on for so long. We tend to not think of the present in search of a future that is definitely not certain for us, maybe not meant to happen. The world that lies beyond our reach is enticing from far because of its far-sightedness. But that might just be a mirage. It will keep travelling further as we advance towards it. 
And yes, to these fears, I say, some fears have no end. 

Sunrise.

The happiness of wearing the perfect size. 

Capturing the overwhelming beauty of your mind.

Knowing when to bow down, stand for self and fight. 

The myth of being in a man's world is a woman's delight. 

Waters never change its direction even with the growing troubles on its path. 

Thoughts waiver the most and carry you back to your past. 

What inspires is the nature, so don't kill your inner belief silently. 

Thou shall not wait for long for it's going to be the next sunrise. 

Step aside for the sand beneath your feet will deepen and drown you soon. 

Make your own castle again for that is meant to happen. 

Stay firm in your principles for they will keep you strong. 

In the end, there's always something right arising even out of a wrong.  

Dangling bonds of affection

Fail to form a bond strong to last. 

Bit by bit the words surrounding us.

Fade away in the evening dust. 

I know not the times of emotions best.

Nor does the need to express demand much. 

World of fiction doesn't exist for real.

Then why today do you set rules of redressal. 

Live for self, survive for others. 

Hope is that one constant companion of ours.

Let me carry along my shadow along this path. 

Time and pain trade off seldom. 

Reasons and seasons change follow the tide. 

Anger, hatred and grudges never teach right. 

Standing on the edge, water gushing beside. 

Did that one always be taken for a ride?

To be free like a bird takes a lot at times.

Frustration, anger, guilt and regret.  

The feelings just keep piling up as the days pass. 

Believing what I had was the best in class. 

Folding arms, knees gripping on the face tight. 
Giving up on everything to make things right. 

Head held high and raised a toast to life. 
The dark took over even before it shown bright. 

In some weak moments, I think of the crossed lines. 
Might have been short, yet enough for my cries.
Hanging midway in the clouds of despair now. 
I look down upon with wrinkles in wet eyes. 

The last mile is the one never to be tred on. 
Sit with dear ones and still feel alone.  
So to say it best, I choose to be silent tonight.  
For what I dreaded most was the next fight. 

Another bird left the trap. 
Hard to hold back people even in life. 
Thought of progressively growing together. 
Ceases at this stage of carrying it all on the lap.